Restless

Lately I've been having some ups and downs. I have been to see a dietitian and had a blood test yesterday. I have a huge phobia of needles and blood so the combo was not something I looked forward to. Luckily, I got it done at a Children's Hospital and it didn't hurt a lot because of the small needles they use. I just clamped my eyes shut and turned my head towards the wall while a girl held my arm down. I got it done and over with though and that is the most important thing.

My appointment with the dietitian was long but the girl is very nice. I spent an hour answering her routine questions. She told me to try and get an extra starch (grain or sweet potato) at lunch time and include an evening snack. I am trying but I also feel like I am just eating mindlessly possibly because I have nothing else to do. My doctor told me to try to get up to 2500 calories. That is insane. I was aiming for that when I did 2 hours of exercise 6 days a week! Now I am literally doing nothing. I watch television, eat, read, and sleep. I occasionally do some crafts and wash dishes but nothing much else.

I feel like I am loosing motivation. I am bored out of my mind! I just want to do things again - take my life back. I want to go to the gym to workout, take walks, go horseback riding, do yoga... all these things I love. I want to take acting classes and try to get involved in my community! It's just so frustrating. I really am fed up with bed rest. I don't know how much longer I can take it to be honest.

I am going to try and get my headshots, resumes, and cover letters printed this week so I can send my packages out to agencies and casting directors. No more stalling! I have been doing a little bit of work each day from my acting course I bought. I'm in the process of creating a solid step-by-step plan. A little each day. I will have to go to my cousin's house or something for printing since my printer is still in my apartment in the city...

Well, there you have it. I'm on a roller coaster of emotions, and I seriously wouldn't mind getting off for a while. Let's hope the restraints don't break and send me flying.

First Step

Success. What makes up success? Talent? Beauty? Connection?

None of those are the answer.

What makes success is determination, motivation - perseverance. You must know what you want and go for it. If you know nothing but success then that is all you will get.

I am on a journey. I recently left college where I was in an intensive professional theatre program. Now, I know what you might think. No. I did not give up. Medical issues have come up that caused me to rethink my approach to my dream and life. I fell into some old bad habits because I was afraid of facing the reality that college was not what I had hoped. I was ignoring the fact that perhaps I needed a different kind of training. I did not want to be labeled a failure. Guess what? Failure happens to everybody. Success is 99% failure. I realize now that this step is a step of courage. I know what is not working and am willing to change that. Starting now.

I am taking a few months to get my health back to a good solid condition - I need my body to be in top form for my career. During this time, I plan on improving my skills through reading and studying everything I can. This is a time of change and recovery, a time to find myself and take the appropriate steps towards success.

It is time to repair the damage that has been inflicted on my road to success.